Where Do You Want the Bike to Go?

In the introduction to David Gordon's book, Therapeutic Metaphors: Helping Others Through the Looking Glass, he writes:

"There is no essential structural difference between the Odyssey, Alice in Wonderland, and Carlos Castaneda's experiences with Don Juan. All describe individuals, real or imagined, who are confronted with problems, which demand [tapping] their personal resources in order to overcome these problems...

If the conflict within the story is similar to one you as a listener happen also to be dealing with, then the story immediately becomes significant to you... a METAPHOR."

In my coaching career, when clients seemed stuck over how to initiate action or unable to respond to direct suggestions, I often told stories including change-oriented metaphors. But their own stories were much more powerful, as illustrated by this example:

“The day after I got my motorcycle license, I took a spin on a friend’s motorcycle and got into a single-vehicle accident. I was nervous because it was a different, much larger bike than the one I learned on, and left turns were causing me trouble.

Among the major points the instructors had made over my two-day training was to look where you want the motorcycle to go. In my anxiety about the size of the motorcycle, I completely forgot that and kept looking at the curb I didn’t want to run into. And guess what? The motorcycle went right where I was looking!

Was I nervous the following spring when I got on a bike for my first ride? You bet. However, my mantra wasn’t, ‘Please don’t crash’ (focus on the fear). It was, of course, ‘Look where you want the bike to go.’ And guess what? It still goes where I look.”

"Where do I want the bike to go?" has become her own change-oriented metaphor.

Evocative Coaching

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For years I searched for an alternative to describing my work as "life coaching." There are countless people calling themselves life coaches, some apparent stars. Not that I don't admire success, or scads of money, but I do wonder if the "better" life some coaches promise belongs to the maya category (all is illusion). Efforts, in other words, to satisfy clients' egos.

Then I read about a Clinton Presidential staff retreat, with Jean Houston as one of the facilitators. Houston's self-description, also shared in an interview with Oprah Winfrey, struck me at first as hilariously theatrical:

"I would call myself an evocateur of the possible, and a midwife of souls." Dr. Jean Houston.

Sometimes my laughter and immediate rejection of an idea are defenses against taking a risk. Sure enough, I couldn't stop thinking about evocateur. Too grandiose, too foreign, too too . . . yet somehow edgy and intriguing. Out of curiosity I played around at the online Thesaurus and Dictionary. 

As expected, life coaches are described as "helping people to make changes in their lives, to learn new ways of coping, and to function at their maximum potential." Ho hum. 

Some synonyms: expert, consultant, guide, counselor, mentor, partner, confidant... and in a lighter mode, kibitzer. At the more directive end, I like buttinski. 

Evocateur doesn't appear in either source, but I found evocator and this is my synthesis:

"Through artistry and imagination, evocators call forth a vision of transformed reality, elicit passion, and summon others into action."

The synonyms for evocator tend to derive from prophet, including predictor, forecaster, oracle, reader, diviner, clairvoyant, seer, soothsayer, and witch. I admit to all, on occasion.

Following this thread, I googled evocateur. The first hit was Jean Houston's site, where this description expands on my synthesis above:

"The times of great change and remarkable opportunity are upon us... we can no longer go it alone, but must partner... to share innovative and creative ways in which to rethink and restructure our individual existence within the context of our expanding global communities. To do this requires a heightened awareness, an awakened sense of purpose, and a dedicated commitment to actively seek out the possible."

Evocateur went too far for me, but more and more I liked the intimations of evocator and coined (I thought) evocative coaching. I've  found only one use of the term in Evocative Coaching: Transforming Schools One Conversation at a Time, a "teacher-centered, no-fault, strengths-based approach to performance improvement."

Their principles for school transformation are the same as those I recommend for Enneagram coaching, based on consciousness (self-awareness), connection (high- trust relationships), competence (celebrate clients' abilities), contribution (honor client's input), and creativity (openness to change, in a flow state) as described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyl: "During flow, people typically experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and a total involvement with life."

See also:

Evocative Enneagram Stories  &  Self-Coaching Tips 

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Hungry Ghosts

In Buddhist and other texts throughout the Far East, Hungry Ghosts are depicted as teardrop shaped, with bloated stomachs and necks too thin to pass food—representing our futile attempts to feed ego patterns: we can never find satisfaction, like drinking salt water to quench our thirst.

This is a useful analogy for our addictive personality patterns. And it won't help anyone to suggest, metaphorically, "You needn't be so hungry" -- or worse -- "You really need to go on a diet."

Instead of theorizing about or labeling behavior, it's important to see the path of our Hungry Ghosts with compassion, not judgment -- to identify, embrace, and learn from the nature of our hungers.

Right-Brain Rorschach

In a Rorschach Inkblot Test, people are asked to provide meaning for inkblot shapes, which demonstrate how we interpret ambiguous circumstances. Dr. Michael Yapko uses the Rorschach as a metaphor for how we project assumptions onto our life experiences: 

“Life is like an inkblot – an ‘experiential Rorschach,’ so to speak. Life doesn’t have an objective or assigned meaning. We give it meaning by our individual values, beliefs, relationships, careers, hobbies, and other life experiences.”

There’s a poetic form called “erasure” poetry, where you take a page from any book, article, newspaper, etc. and cover up all but the words that appeal to you. Those remaining words create a poem. Not only will any two people come up with different poems from the same text; when you come back later to the same page you may also “see” the text in a completely different way. 

The content on the right is from a page in Out of the Box Coaching with the Enneagram. Here’s my erasure: parallels expressing talents be playful, listen to your dog I suspect in my own metaphorical universe the “dog” refers to an instinctual part of me, and while I didn’t know it when I started this post, I’m realizing how uptight I’ve been about an upcoming project, getting into a head space instead of taking a deep breath and listening to my “dog.” Try it for yourself. Notice what words show up for you when you look at the page; then follow this “Rorschach” to see what your unconscious might be telling you. And remember, we all operate from a perspective that may or may not be held by others. It’s always good to open ourselves to the differences.

business failed. Mary asked if she could remember a situation where someone regained face. Linette then recalled a story of a young, unwed mother in her grandmother’s village. “She was urged by her family to leave the village in shame, but she refused to.” Mary inquired,  what happened to her?” The answer “She raised her child well and eventually earned an honorable reputation through her good works in the community.”      A useful story has a structure similar to the client’s sensation, including the underlying problem and an embedded resolution. These elements were present in the above story. The young woman losing face when she became pregnant was analogous to losing face by not being promoted. The woman in the story regained face by choosing to be self-defined. Mary pointed out these parallels. The lessons in Linette’s story helped her set her sights on expressing her own needs and talents. Creating Room to Play      The word “metaphor” is from the Greek pherin, “to carry,” and meta, “beyond or “over.” We are carried beyond our worldview by breakthrough experiences; metaphors illuminate the path. When clients shrink from a new perspective, that’s a clue that intellectual understanding has not freed them to move. This is your chance to be spontaneous, playful, inventive – anything that will reach them at a symbolic level. We’ve just written about the power of stories. You can also create openings through the symbolic use of humor, behavior, gifts, or even poetry.      Use your own imagination and creativity to develop metaphors for each style. Sometimes you can ask clients for a metaphor of how they see themselves and work with it. Don’t worry about getting it just right. The meaning of a metaphor is often individual. Listen to your clients. They’ll give you the metaphors that have meaning for them. An Eight told Clarence, “I’m a junkyard dog.” Clarence stayed within that metaphor: “Who is the dog loyal to? Who cares for him?” Whom does he let pet him? What is he protecting and from whom? In what way is he trapped by what he is protecting?”