Meditation and The Trap of the Intellect

One of my clients had left two companies before we started coaching and was about to take a third job. All three positions were internal consulting roles for which she was well suited. Bright and innovative, she’d been hired in start-ups because she was comfortable with a new and/or ambiguous role if she was able to influence its parameters. But in the two organizations she'd left, she wasn't given the authority to define her role as she saw fit. She'd received positive feedback about her talents, but slipped pretty regularly into despair about her capability to make any real difference.

The job she was moving into appeared to be a better fit in terms of her potential influence, so she was more likely to stay there in spite of her historically predictable dissatisfaction. In addition, she began to shift her perspective with a mindfulness practice of gratitude.

All of us, no matter what our personality style or key emotions, can benefit from being mindful of gratitude. How do we do that? Phillip Moffitt suggests, "When you are contracted due to self-pity, fear, or anger, more than likely gratitude isn't present, so notice those things for which you are grateful."

This is not the same as positive thinking. Instead of denying the difficulties of life, the practice of gratitude is rather a way to turn the mind. Instead of moving too quickly to erase the reality of the moment, stay with the emotions you're experiencing: I'm despairing at this moment and grateful I can observe this and know I am not my emotions. 

In “Meditation, Happiness, and The Trap of the Intellect,” Eric Armstrong described the transient quality of grateful feelings:

“As powerful as the feelings were, however, on each occasion they dissipated. It was rather disheartening. I mean, there I was—enlightened! And now it was gone.”

The trap of the intellect is a focus on what’s missing, so the ego can kick in by criticizing our inability to maintain a meditative focus as yet another sign of incompetence and yet another reason to despair of ever finding happiness. 

We can learn to observe this pattern and move through it, to continue the practice of gratitude even though its effects come and go. 

On the Level

In AA the concept “one day at a time” means much more than “I won’t take a drink for the next 24 hours.” Gradually the intention to live one day at a time evolves into the intention to live one day at a time, as if you only have this one day to live. Behind all our attempts to change lies the one fundamental truth – if we live one day at a time, if we are fully present, our habitual reaction to the world can no longer play out automatically. 

Many models for presence are founded in meditation. Certainly, learning to be present in meditation can transfer to greater awareness in everyday life. As J. Krishnamurti said, however: For many of us... the steady and consistent practice of sitting meditation can be elusive.  

Luckily, meditation is not the only way to learn presence. We also become more present when we listen deeply. Most coaching schools emphasize a level of listening that goes beyond the obvious. Co-Active Coaching lists three levels of listening: 

Level I (Internal Listening) “We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it means to us.”

Level II (Dialogue) “There is a sharp focus on the other person.” This is what is typically meant by “active listening.” 

Level III (Global Listening), “You listen at 360 degrees… as though you and the client were at the center of the universe receiving information from everywhere at once… as though you’re surrounded by a force field that contains you, the client, and a space of knowing… The key to  Level III listening is simply to take in the information and play with it and see what emerges.”

Otto Sharmer (Theory U: Leading from the Future as it Emerges) offers similar but slightly more differentiated levels of listening: 

“Listening 1 (from habits) – habits of judgment that lead to reconfirming old opinions and judgments, 

Listening 2 (from outside) – factual listening and noticing differences that lead to new data;
 
Listening 3 (from within) – empathic listening that leads to seeing through another’s eyes and emotional connection; and

Listening 4 (from Source) – generative listening that connects us with an emerging future and shifts our identity/self.”

The following example shows how greater self-awareness can move clients from habitual/internal listening to generative/global listening.

Jane, a widow (Enneagram style Seven) is in love with Bob (style Nine), who’s compassionate, loving, and helpful with her son and daughter. He supports Jane’s parenting approach and also engages her two teenagers in activities that take the burden of full responsibility from her shoulders. Bob has been single for some time and his sisters in a large family have come to depend on him for help with repairs and other problems. One weekend, Jane and Bob carve out two hours alone together. Just as they’re starting out on a long walk, Bob’s cell phone rings with a desperate call from one of his sisters that her heat is off and she’s freezing. 

1. Although Jane agrees to go with Bob to help his sister, she listens to herself at level 1, “What does this mean for me?” and thinks, “This was supposed to be our time together. He has all these other demands on him. There will never be enough time for me.”
    
2. Instead of reacting from this level, however, she stays with it and listens to herself at level 2. (“What can I learn from the facts?”) as Bob explains his sister Maggie’s desperate financial straits and adds that he’d like to check in quickly, have Jane meet Maggie, and then he and Jane can continue their walk.
    
3. At Maggie’s small house Jane talks with Maggie while Bob checks on the heating problem. Jane now listens to herself at level 3 (“What do I see when I look through their eyes?”) and notices how affectionately Bob and his sister treat each other. She empathizes with both of them and realizes that Bob’s behavior with his sister comes from the same fountain of compassion Jane experiences from him.
    
4. She continues to stay present, now listening at level 4 (“What is there to know that’s beyond what I presently know?”). In this place of full presence, she sees that her initial, habitual reaction came from a fundamental, patterned belief: “There will never be enough for me.” She shifts to a different sense of identity—”I am not my pattern”—and its hold on her is released.