Resistance to Change

In his chapter on resistance in Flawless Consulting, Peter Block makes the point that people often use the phrase "overcoming resistance," which implies that convincing or persuading people will win them over. This doesn't usually work. If your point of view wasn't persuasive to begin with, repeating it only leads people to dig their heels in deeper. If they don't buy your ideas, that's a cue they're either threatened in some way -- which to them is legitimate, or trying to maintain what is important to them -- which to them is legitimate. They may feel some concern about their credibility, their job security, their sense of autonomy, their competence; they may also see a lack of congruence between the proposed change and core organizational values.

Furthermore, those who defend the status quo play a valuable role. For starters, you may be missing something in your zeal for change that could help you avoid problems. These defenders probably also represent others who don't support the change (yet) and can raise your awareness of some important issues you need to address. Most important, because defenders have the courage and strength to present a challenge, you want them on your side, and it isn't necessary to fight for what you believe in order to make that happen.

Think of the futility of standing in a flooding river to stop its flow. When the "flow" of someone's energy is directed against your efforts, trying to convince them to head in a different direction can be equally futile. An effective way to deal with a flooding river is to divert the water using its own energy -- by digging a channel, for example. The same thing is true for people. If you think they're "stuck in a box," GET IN THE BOX WITH THEM! There are many ways to do this. One that has worked well with my clients is a version of creative problem solving I call reframing. Another is with the use of paradoxical problem solving.

In his classic article, "A Positive Approach to Resistance," H.B. Karp suggests "surfacing," "honoring," and exploring the resistance by making its expression as safe as possible and asking for all of it; at the same time listening, acknowledging;  reinforcing the notion that resistance is permissible, even valuable; and probing for alternatives. Karp reminds us "the objective is not to eliminate all resistance;" but instead to "work with and reduce needless resistance" and, once the conversation is workable, to "thank the resister and move on. It is important not to try to persuade the resister to like the demand. It is enough that the resister is willing to agree to it."

The Power of Metaphor

When we hold stubbornly to our current view of reality, that view can't be changed by intellectual understanding alone. We need to get to the "right-brain" functions – our more holistic, creative, spontaneous, nonverbal metaphorical selves. A metaphor is any communication – verbal or nonverbal – that uses analogies and symbols to create new meaning. This new way of looking at things can push us into a new reality. 

I've used a variety of approaches to engage clients symbolically, including stories, humor, poetry, or even gifts. Some examples of symbolic gifts:

• To a client who was very articulate, literate, and creative but too much of a perfectionist, I gave a box of magnetic poetry, along with the injunction that he could chastise others when he felt they deserved it, but then create a poem about them. I told him "I don't know if you'll ever ever actually do what I'm asking, but that's not the point about gifts of metaphor. This image is so strong it will stick and somehow change you."
• Another – who had made himself invaluable to the CEO – came to realize he was also doing the CEO's dirty work and alienating his colleagues, even when he didn't agree with the boss's directions. Just back from a trip to Mexico, I gave him a bandito puppet on strings as a metaphor for letting his boss pull his strings. He named it "Miguel" and sat it in a prominent place on his office bookshelves so he wouldn't forget.
• A female client – who pushed herself relentlessly toward success – was intrigued by Kathleen Noble's The Sound of A Silver Horn. I packaged a toy horn I'd painted silver and included the following excerpt from Noble's book:

There comes a moment in each quest cycle where a woman finds herself poised on the brink of transformation... the pivotal decision to embark upon an extraordinary journey of self-discovery... each quester who wins her way through to the portal of transformation must discard some part of herself in order to create a larger self and give birth to her own possibilities:

Better to see your cheek grown hollow,
Better to see your temple torn,
Than to forget to follow, follow,
After the sound of a silver horn.
(Elinor Wylie, "Madman's Song," Collected Poems, 1932)

• In the introduction to his book, Waking Up, Charles Tart wrote, "We need to awaken to reality, the reality of the problems caused by our fragmented selves, so we can discover our deeper selves and the reality of our world, undistorted by our entranced condition." I gave this book to a client who was particularly entranced in his moody withdrawal from the reality of his organization's culture. I suggested he place it face-out on the book shelf across from his desk, so the title would remind him to "wake up."
• A CEO who withdrew from social interaction needed to spend more time connecting with people – more "management by walking around." An introvert, he found this very, very difficult. He was a life-long sailor who said watching the sunset from his boat was when he was most deeply in touch with his own emotions and higher purpose. I gave him a small ship in a bottle to symbolize both the potential of his affection and how "bottled up" he kept her emotions.
• With a client who frequently complained about her co-workers, we personified each of them with finger puppets. Starting with her opinion about those she disliked the most, she gave each negative characteristic to a finger puppet: "officious," "cold fish," "gets the drop on you," etc. After some work exploring these negative opinions as projections, she was able to own those characteristics in herself. She then transformed each finger puppet to represent the same cluster of traits but with positive characteristics: "well-spoken / articulate," "tremendous capacity for work / detail," "technically skilled / smart / capable," etc.
• I've often used symbolic prizes with teams, such as T-shirts with relevant slogans or toys that represented interaction dynamics. For example, I gave one team member – who was kind of full of himself – a shirt depicting a frog that urged, "Kiss me...I'm a prince!" This was a humorous and easy way to get at his narcissistic behaviors, whereas direct feedback from his team-mates would probably have raised his defenses.
• A bossy and blunt manager wanted to show more of his soft side. He knew how tender he could be and how protective he was of his team. He also knew he could get outrageously angry in staff meetings, but he thought others over-reacted to his outbursts. It was difficult for him to step outside of himself and observe how intimidating he was. So I gave him a teddy bear with glued-on, paper teeth.
• One of my clients who had adult ADD found it almost impossible to stay focused and to finish things she started. I gave her a sandalwood prayer bead necklace I'd had for many, many years and asked her to hold it in her hand when she had a project to finish.